It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

I like to do nice things for my grandchildren - like buy them those toys I've always wanted to play with.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

He has a brain like Einstein's - dead since 1955