I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler; I don't like beer.

Unless comedy touches me as well as amuses me, it leaves me with a sense of having wasted my evening. I go to the theatre to be moved to laughter, not to be tickled or bustled into it.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Where there is no religion, hypocrisy becomes good taste.

In literature the ambition of the novice is to acquire the literary language; the struggle of the adept is to get rid of it.

The fact is that the intrinsic worth of the book, play or whatever the author is trying to sell is the least, last factor in the the whole transaction.

When you prevent me from doing anything I want to do, that is persecution; when I prevent you from doing anything you want to do, that is law, order, and morals.