I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler; I don't like beer.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

The Anti-Vivisector does not deny that physiologists must make experiments and even take chances with new methods. He says that they must not seek knowledge by criminal methods, just as they must not make money by criminal methods. He does not object to Galileo dropping cannon balls from the top of the leaning tower of Pisa; but he would object to shoving off two dogs or American tourists.

Obedience simulates subordination as fear of the police simulates honesty.

The chief objection to playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

All dress is fancy dress, is it not, except our natural skins?

That older and greater church to which I belong: the church where the oftener you laugh the better, because by laughter only can you destroy evil without malice