If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

Young. Old. Just Words.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.