There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.

Life's but a day at most.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!