There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.