Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.