Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.