I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.