Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.