It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.