You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.