And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.