And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.