If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .