With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.