With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.