When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.