I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.