When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.