I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.