I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.