Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Young. Old. Just Words.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.