How can I die? I'm booked.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

Young. Old. Just Words.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.