How can I die? I'm booked.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine; I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.