Be quick to learn and wise to know.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

Say Goodnight Gracie.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.