When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.