Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

I get a standing ovation just standing

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.