Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.