Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

At my age flowers scare me.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.