I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.