It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.