It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.