Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

Young. Old. Just Words.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.