A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.