A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.