A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

Life's but a day at most.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.