If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.
Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.