Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.