I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.