First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.