First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.