By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.