I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
George BurnsIn those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George BurnsBy [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.
George BurnsWhen they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.
George Burns