I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.