Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

I get a standing ovation just standing

I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.