Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.