Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.