Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.

When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.