Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.