Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

How can I die? I'm booked.