If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.