The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.