Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.