Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.