When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.