I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.