Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.