Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

How can I die? I'm booked.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.