I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.