Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.

Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.

I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics is luck too. Because you could have been born in some really terrible situation and never had a chance to realize yourself or see who you were. And so the luck of genetics and then after that, circumstances, those are the two guiding things.

What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had on my chest out. I don't care if people believe them, listen to them, change their ways, or think, or any of that kind of crap. I'm interested in showing off. I'm the same kid from sixth grade who stood up and said "watch this."

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.