I've set my own rules to live by. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.

How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?

To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.