Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.

You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos

Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards

We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.

Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.

I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.