In the Navy, there is no wrong hole. In the Marines, there is always a hole.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.

I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

Does killing time damage eternity?

All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.