Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."

I believe you can joke about anything.

Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate.