Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.