The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.

Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.