The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own.