When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.

Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh.