The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

I grew up in New York wanting to be like those funny men in the movies and on the radio.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.