They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.

The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.