Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!

Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It's what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.